Language changes, and we should change with it.
A tribute to my least favourite combination of words.
It’s well established that language is constantly mutating. Slang terms enter the dictionary and become recognised as acceptable. PC terms become slurs. Writers invent words which become commonplace. I used to argue about mis-use of the word ‘literally’ and have finally accepted that I’ve lost that battle.
There’s another side to this. We know that terms change because of people use them in ways that were not intended, or because society moves forward and the previous uses are no longer acceptable.
But what about words — or even entire phrases — which have a clear meaning, and are used specifically and only for that meaning, and end up causing the exact opposite emotion to that which is intended?
I have worked in retail jobs. I have worked with members of the public. I understand that things don’t always go to plan, and that sometimes, as an employee, you have to apologise to people.
There are a huge number of ways that you can do this. In my experience, the vast majority of people are reasonable, and if you apologise genuinely they will accept it. On occasions where I do need to complain, I try to make it very clear that I understand that it’s not the fault of the person on the frontline.
Every time someone apologises for “any inconvenience they may have caused”, it makes me want to stab them in the face.
The phrase ‘we apologise for any inconvenience this may cause’ is not one that naturally comes from the mind of a human being. It has been focus-grouped and work-shopped to fill space and to give the impression of caring, while making sure that the company behind the fault doesn’t have to take any responsibility for causing the inconvenience, or for fixing it.
There are infinitely many ways to do that while still giving the impression that you care. Let me know that you don’t have all the information but you’re trying to find it. Tell me that you’re trying to find a solution and will let me know as soon as you have one. Throw your hands up in the air, scream that you haven’t got the foggiest idea what’s happening and you’re going to get your manager as you’re not paid enough to deal with the rabble. ALL OF THESE ARE PREFERABLE.
When I hear that you are “sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused”, it tells me is that the management of your company do not trust employees to say anything. It tells me that you’re being forced to read of a script like a hostage who’s three days away from a very extreme haircut. If you don’t trust your staff, why should I? Also, the passive voice tries to avoid naming the source of the inconvenience. We’re all aware that strange, random acts happen — but if the cause of the inconvenience is “we didn’t listen to warnings” or “we underfunded our services” or “we fired the one competent person and gave ourselves a pay rise”, then I don’t really give a shit about how sorry you are. I just want you to fix it.
More than anything, my frustration comes from the insincerity of it. I’ve heard it said most frequently by train announcers. Earlier this year I had to take a train from Scotland to London. The train ran reasonably smoothly until Newcastle, at which point we were all kicked off the train without warning. An incident with animals on the track meant that trains were being cancelled mid-service. Apparently, it didn’t occur to anyone that trainlines and cattle don’t mix very well.
This was mid-pandemic. Travellers had been forced to reserve seats at a distance from each other. People were stressed, and concerned. We were unceremoniously dumped on the platform with no indication as to what would happen. We were told that we would have to book an additional seat on a subsequent train in order to continue our journey — despite the fact that the vast majority of these trains were fully booked.
People were upset, and effectively left stranded. I spoke to a few of my fellow passengers. We all understood that these things happen, and that it wasn’t the fault of any of the staff on the actual platform — but none of that helped.
What was going to happen? Newcastle is 275 miles away from London. Were the train company going to pay for us to all get cabs home? Perhaps put on a minibus? Were we going to be put up in hotels for the night? Were we all going to be piled onto existing trains, disobeying the COVID restrictions?
Passengers were upset. Staff were trying desperately to control things, while clearly being given no guidance or instruction from their managers.
And every three minutes, an automated announcement was played over the tannoy system.
“There are currently no southbound trains due to an incident on the line. Please do not board any of the other trains without a reservation. We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause”.
I think I can speak for the other passengers when I say that I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR APOLOGIES AT THIS POINT. While I’m in the middle of a crisis, all I want to know is what possible solutions are available. I can wait, I can move, I can do whatever is needed as long as I know that it’s working towards some kind of improvement.
This god-forsaken phrase almost invariably causes me to get more irritated than anything else. It gets me more annoyed than not saying anything at all. Despite the clear inhumanity of the phrasing, I have to believe that it started out as something that people really meant — but like other stock phrases, it now causes the exact opposite response.
“Your call is important to us”
“I’m really excited to be here”
“We think of this workplace as being like a family”
Interestingly-ish, I think some staff have started to realise this, and are starting to fight back in very subtle ways.
I was on another delayed train recently. Again, the delay was no fault of the staff — or even of the company. The employees were doing their best to keep people informed of any changes, and were speaking like human beings, until the ungodly phrase of hell showed its face.
So what was the fight back? Every time they uttered the phrase, it was immediately followed by detailed instructions as to how you could get a refund on your tickets.
Your managers might be incompetent when it comes to fixing problems, but I bet they take notice when it affects the bottom line.